John C. Wright (johncwright) wrote,
John C. Wright
johncwright

Message From George RR Martin

You see, I do know real science fiction authors, so there! Not only has Harlan Elison insulted me once at a Nebula Awards banquet, but I once wrote an email to John Scalzi! Yes, THE John Scalzi! And he answered!

And Charles Stross once called me an idiot! And Emerald City's Cheryl Morgan called me an idiot! And I have had comments in my comments boxes from John Crowley when I misunderstood one of his books and shot my mouth off, and he woulda called me an idiot, excepting he is too classy! So ya see! YA SEE! So I know some real live science fiction authors! Has a real live science fiction author ever called YOU an idiot? No, of course not, because you are not wonderiffic superfamous like me!

And once at a science fiction convention, I actually talked to a real live girl!

She was female and everything, with a real, live female cleavage, and long hair, just like a japanimated character from a dating sim game! It was amazing! Girls have hair that is very different from normal hair, and if you have not met one, you would not know, but I have, so I know. Like it smells nice or something. Its longer and shinier than real hair. I asked her what time the dealer's room closed. "We close at five-thirty. We have to clear the area for the costume contest. I wish they had given us our own room." those were her exact words, and I cherish every syllable. "Our own room." Pure poetry! I think she was making a pass at me. Their voices sound different from ours, higher pitched, or something. I have so been out of my Mom's basement. Some day I will meet a girl again. Maybe if I go to Taco Bell, there will be a girl working behind the counter, and I can talk to her.

If you have never met one, women are members of the opposite sex. They are called that because they are opposed to us. Here is a picture.


Member of the Opposite Sex (artist's conception)

Study this picture closely. If you come across one, you will recognize a member of the opposite sex. While outwardly the same as a human being, they are nicer than human beings. Remember to take off your cap, hold the door, and speak politely to them. Some of them play D&D, like us, but not many, so be careful about bringing that up. If you slyly drop a reference, like "Guess I failed my saving throw!" and see if she laughs, that could be a sign that she is a geek also, and therefore a potential mate. However, some girls know the subtle girl trick of laughing at anything you say no matter how stupid out of courtesy or pity, so this method of detecting female D&D players sometimes fails.

Remember that girls are smarter than you, but many of them suffer self-esteem issues, so if you project an air of confidence, and bathe before you meet one, and if you can be taller (they like tallness) and if their real boyfriend gets run over by a streetcar, you might get a pity date. You pay for everything and let them pick the movie, and you have to pretend you like it, even if it was a chickflick or something starring Maryl Streep. If she tricked you into this dumb movie because she said Clint Eastwood was in it, it's your own fault because girls are smarter than you like I said before. But if she plays D&D that's cool.

To recap: insulted by Harlan and talked to a girl once. Ergo I have clumps of fame growing off me like pustules!

And now my crowning achievement in a lifetime abundant with achievements! I got a letter from George R.R. Martin, who is not only a real live science fiction author and anthologist but an editor also! He is most famous for not finishing his next GAME OF THRONES book that we are all waiting for. I would rather talk to a girl than to George R.R. Martin, but that is so that he would get back to finishing his next book.

Here it is:

The Subterranean Press trade hardcover of SONGS OF THE DYING EARTH is back from the printers, and is now shipping. I'll be sending off author's copies to all the contributors this week and next. It's a gorgeous volume, we think, beautifully enhanced by Tom Kidd's lovely artwork... but you'll be able to judge that for yourself when your own copy turns up.

Only the trade is out at present. The limited will be along in another month or so, as soon as the slipcases are done. SubPress always does them last, to get a perfect fit.

The signed and numbered editions of the book are sold out, but copies of the Subpress illustrated trade hardcover remain available... so if you get the chance, and have the inclination, we'd appreciate a plug or three for the anthology on your own blogs and websites. Every mention helps.

The book is available via Amazon, but probably the best way to order is direct from Subterranean at

http://www.subterraneanpress.com/Merchant2/merchant.mv?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=martin07&Category_Code=PRE&Product_Count=24

Gardner and I will be pointing you toward the reviews as they come in. So far we've had the excellent one from LIBRARY JOURNAL, previously cited. And for those that missed it, the NEW YORK TIMES magazine has done a major feature on Jack Vance, with prominent mention of the anthology. You can find that here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/19/magazine/19Vance-t.html?_r=1&%20_r=5&partner=rss&emc=rss

Thanks to all our contributors for helping to make this such a terrific project, a worthy tribute to the genius of Jack Vance.

George R.R. Martin

THERE YOU HAVE IT! You may ask, dear reader, why I am sharing this letter with you? Do I want you to read this Jack Vance tribute anthology with stories by Dan Simmons, Neil Gaiman, George R. R. Martin, Paula Volsky, Mike Resnick, Robert Silverberg, Lucius Shepard, Tad Williams, Tanith Lee, Liz Williams, Glen Cook, and eleven other famous writers? Of course I do! But you can also cut and copy this letter by George R.R. Martin, and pretend he is writing to YOU, and then show it to a girl, and if she is impressed, then you know she is a she-geek, and ergo one of us, and a potential mate.
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