Today’s must-read article is by Milo Yiannopoulos
It is about time someone mentioned all these scientific findings in public.
… I can prove with the power of science that religious folk were right all along and that science has a little-known but undeniable Roman Catholic bias.
BIRTH CONTROL MAKES YOU FAT
Let’s start with the grossest form: injectable birth control. IT MAKES YOU FAT. A 2009 study from the University of Texas found that women using DMPA gain an average of 11 pounds over three years, a 3-4 per cent increase.
Worse, this was abdominal fat, which is linked to cardiovascular disease, strokes and diabetes. 25 per cent of women on DMPA experienced “significant and potentially dangerous body composition changes.” Yes, that’s right. They became dangerously fat. On the bright side, they’re able to stop the injections at that point because being fat is the best form of birth control anyone could ask for.
So in other words, your birth control injection will add on pounds that will prevent the injection you really want — of man meat. This, in turn, will lead to depression and excessive ice-cream consumption, which adds on more pounds. Eventually, you’ll find yourself in what medical professionals call “a vicious cycle” but what I call FFAS, or “Female Forever Alone Syndrome.”
BIRTH CONTROL MAKES YOUR VOICE UNSEXY
It’s not just your body that will get less sexy. Your voice will lose its seductiveness too. Women sound most attractive to men when their estrogen levels are high, and their progesterone levels are low. Birth control lowers the former and raises the latter, making women sound as erotically appealing as Bruce Jenner giving a croaky acceptance speech.
If you think the man of your dreams will be eager to meet you after that first Skype call where you sound like a lumberjack, keep dreaming. Men trust their senses and will create a mental picture of you long before you meet. Do you really want to be labelled a pity lay, betrayed by your whacked-out hormones? No you do not.
BIRTH CONTROL MAKES YOU JIGGLE WRONG
Women on the Pill don’t look right and don’t talk right. What could be worse? Well, they can’t jiggle correctly either. A study from the University of Göttingen in 2012 gauged the attractiveness of female dancers. Men judged fertile women as more attractive dancers — and even walkers — than women in their non-fertile phase.
The researchers speculated that estrogen fluctuations during a woman’s fertile period can affect muscle, ligament and tendon strength, leading to subtle differences in movement. Fertile gals, in other words, have all the right moves.
The rougher elements in society will talk about a woman’s posterior — or mine — and describe the way a quarter might bounce off it. Birth control’s estrogen enroachment is liable to have that coin ricocheting off into someone’s eye or just slowly sinking in (see cottage cheese, below).
BIRTH CONTROL MAKES YOU CHOOSE THE WRONG MATES
It’s already established that going on the Pill makes you less attractive to men. But it also affects who you’re attracted to as well. Healthy, fertile women seek out men who are genetically different to them. Women on the Pill do the opposite, seeking out men who are closer to their own tribe. That’s right, ladies: the Pill turns you into Lannisters. I understand lusting after close relations might be a positive thing in some locations, such as West Virginia, or Norfolk, so YMMV on this one.
BIRTH CONTROL MAKES YOU UNSEXY ALL THE TIME
Don’t be fooled into thinking that birth control only makes you stupid and unattractive during your fertile periods.
He goes on in like vein. Milo does not mention groundwater contamination from the hormonal chemicals passing through the artificially sterile woman’s system. Some scientists think this may account for the rise of autism and same-sex attraction and other biochemical malfunctions in recent generations.
All the sexy female and feminine Catholic girls in my circle, of course, have heard about these scientific studies, but of course they are too busy raising their five to ten children to have the time to write articles.
And the Catholic moms I know are all very attractive, and did not lose their hourglass figures after having a child.
(And they are better educated than you, because they did not go to government-run public school, nor get degrees in Grievance Studies. And their menfolk are more manly than yours. Just sayin’.)